I remember talking to a guy from Arendal, Norway that was into some pretty gruesome things and, I see how extreme those things are really are when he is following a blog that praises a Serial Killer so, it goes to show me that he is not the type of person that I would like to associate with because its goes against what I believe in as well as the moral that I was raised on. There have been times that I would like to talk to him but, there is that part of me that tells me let him go because he is not the type of guy that you should be dealing with at this moment in time; I also think that my judgment as well as perception on people is really off at times because it makes me wonder what they are thinking about and what they are saying about me when I am not around.
There have been times that I wonder what people think when they are looking at me for, the simple reason I do act like other girls nor dress like other girls because I would like to be my own person. Since I started working on the normal basis and starting trying new things there has been a few backlashes that I don't want anyone to know too much about but, there have been some occurrences that make me wonder will there be a day that I can go with one day not having to face this situation time and time again. One of those occurrences is that fact that I wear perfume and, being the fact that I live in a southern state that most people don't wear perfume makes me realize that I stand out more than I expected because I always get the question " Are you wearing Perfume and if so what type or what is it called?" A never ending question that I get at work because so many customers smell it on me and, my perfume of choice for work is basically Inner Grace by Philosophy and, I do love the smell of the fragrance but, it has been attracting negative attention lately and, I wish that I had a perfume that did not attract this much attention.
Another thing that I have a problem with is the question that I get by the way I dress, well I was taught by four generations of women how to dress so, it makes sense that my taste in clothing do not match those around me because my mother stated "dress nicer than you should"; well that is something that I do take to heart but, when it comes to dealing with people of a different culture and set of living its hard to explain to them why I dress the way I do. I don't mine dressing the way I do its just that the questions that bother me for many ask me "why do you dress like that", "Where are you going dress like that", "who are you trying to impress" or, "Are you trying to be cute". Yeah stupid questions indeed but, they never cease to amaze me when it comes to dealing with annoying people time and time again; there are some occasions that if I had less annoying people bothering me and more intelligent ones to come my way then life would be much better.
Wishful thinking on my part because with a perfume collection that can keep a store recession proof for the next thirty or forty years makes it very hard to find one fragrance that would not attract people to me and, a collection of clothes that were not so nice that would not allow others to ask the range of stupid questions that many of them ask.
I use to visit sometimes my mother's place of Temp employment and, even those in a business setting did not dress like she did; when I was a little girl in New York people in the office she use to work in dressed like she did or even better but, since leaving the state of New York and going to the state of North Carolina the change was there and I could not deal with those who could not understand my background for the longest so, I only associated myself with those whom were from state like New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. There were times that I even went far to limit the amount of information that I shared with those from states like North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia because they did not understand what goes on in state like New York, Connecticut or Rhode Island but, all they could say was "sounds nice wish I could visit", as time progressed I learned that I can avoid those and find meaningful conversation with those who could understand me as well as know what I was talking about.
In the last eight years I have found some places that I can feel like I was in New York once again but, there is a limited pool of people that I can share those interest with because basically I am dealing with those whom don't know much about the arts or music. Like the Russian Ballet that comes to town every few months which makes me so happy because this was something that I enjoyed while in New York; then when I want to share it with someone there is no one to really share it with because no one understand ballet. Blogging has seem to be my best solution when it comes to sharing my thoughts and beliefs with someone whom ever decides to read it for, I know that there is someone out there that is willing to see what I have to say.
In the terms of reading I find that when I was in 10th grade English a lot of my classmates did not read and, it made doing group activities boring because they did not know what the book was about so, it did not surprise me how their vocabulary was lacking. I felt for the longest that I was surrounded by a bunch of loser because they were not interested in their school work so, I later learned that keeping to myself would be the best option and the least stressful; however, there are those in the south that don't understand boundaries as well as those whom prefer to be alone because there is not a soul around they can have a connection with at all times. Thus spending most of my time in places that gives me some freedom from the daily nonsense of people such as fine dining, libraries, museums, art galleries and theater has helped me regain myself over the years that I have been lost.
Since 2009 a free magazine had been launch which was called "Guilford Women" and, me picking up that magazine was the best decision that I made because it gave me a list of things to do as well as places to see in the state which included the surrounding area. If there was no Guilford Women my life would really have no meaning when it came to living in North Carolina because this is the most boring state and, the people are just (insert your choice words here) for one to bear. I wished that my mother had move out west or further south like Florida were there was some action at least but, North Carolina has proven to be a waste of state when it comes to communication, interaction and many other things that I could think of but, not going to waste typing away about.
In the last two monthly articles I read there are more interesting places being published and, since I am working there is a better chance for me to have some sense of adventure but, not a whole lot because there is very little to do since its the holidays and the store are crowded. When the holidays end I hope to post pictures of my adventures to share with the world because I am trapped in a sea of dullness; I am beginning to think there is no way that I can have a mutual relationship with anyone at the time being because there are no persons of interest but, there have been times that I tried only to fail. Maybe the summer will be better when I go for the search of seasonal summer employment and, maybe the people that I meet then will make a better impression than the ones that I have came in contact with because right now I find myself saying no more than ever before; there is a new year right around the corner and we are only a few days in the month so, maybe the new year I can find more things to do and, find some individuals whom understand me better than those whom claimed they tried or are trying.
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