The Budget talk

Interesting how I stated last week how I am going to make two meals to the maximum yet, I find myself still low in wonga because of my living situation so, I sometimes wonder did spent really teach my anything except since I live in a low income area and, that many people such as myself whom are low income don't get the respect that they deserve; however, being sneaky about certain things does not make it right either for, I could be helpful towards the house but, I feel like I am living with ungrateful people at this point for, they eat everything up in one sitting to only complain that there is nothing to eat.

I sometimes wonder how is it that I can spend $65 on food that last me at least two week but, when my family wants to eat what I cook they go off and start complaining but, they are not doing anything to bring in more money into the house; I can't help but, pity them especially my mother who works seasonal/temp employment because she did make some type of effort to make some type of arrangement so that we could have some sort of food in the house yet, she is now eating everything and complaining. I have been forced to tell her that she should not complain because she should not be eating everything up when she knows there is a limited income; that being stated she should realize that and understand that she was in that situation where she was the only one working and, she had two children take care of.   I am not trying to sound selfish but, what does she expect out of a person whom only makes $7.75 an hour? What does she expect when one person is working anywhere from 12 hours to 22 hours out of the week? What does she want from a one person that is working when it comes to some of the bills?  Is she even being realistic at this point?

A small second part time job of an income of $9 to $10 an hour could make a difference yet, working anywhere from 12 to 24 hours on the weekends will take a toll on my body because I am going to be doing a lot of physical work so, the point is to stay healthy at these time because it starting to look that my family is beginning to take a toll on my stress level.  I might have to do a budget at this time because me keeping up with the food bill for one is bad enough because I can't do this with two people in the house that are not working and, to take on a second job that can make up for one person not working is cool but, someone else needs to start looking for a job.

January is going to be the start date for my second line of employment because that will be the month were everything is fresh and new so, with that being said whatever happened in 2013 stays in 2013; I am already calculating the income expenses for the month of January so far they are not looking too good; I find myself stressing because of my situation plus that fact after January 31 I am going to have to find a third seasonal job in order to lightening the load for a short period of time so, whatever summer job that I can grab I am going to try my best not to lose it because that is another source of income that I can grab.  The Summer job will more than likely be Wait Staff or something to do with baseball because with the way things are now my life seems to go south when money comes up in discussions.  Who is budgeting? No one and, I cannot do all these things because I am not use to having to do them but, I know that I will have to do these things to survive if I should ever live on my own.

The second job that is coming I really am hoping that the $9 will help because it looks so uncertain because the way the family is eating; the eating is what is killing me so, I have been forced into going to the local dollar Store to buy things that no one really likes but, has no choice but, to eat it.  I have found myself spending $47 to $65 dollars in food which is a lot but, when comes to dealing with people whom are now acting like P.O.W. its getting crazy to the point that I think that my mental health is going to go south.

I remember that night when I made those shells and marinara its was crazy that when I went to get some more  the pot was empty then they wanted to complain about the food; I want them to stop complaining because its not going to help the food runs out quicker because we have one person that does not eat like he has some sense.  We have only one regular income coming in and, we have one person who works maybe three times out of the years so, what do you want from the one that is working on the regular part time basis?

New interest on the horizons

I decided to better myself in the lines of art and literature because those are areas of my life that I do find interesting but, I don't want to have to wait on someone to make those decisions for me; I want to express myself the best way possible so, looking on the lines of Studio Art, Fine Art and, Art History will be my start then going on the lines of English Literature will help me out even more because I am curious to see where my mind will take me when it comes to Romance and Renewal in the Elizabethan literature that consisted of writers such as Sir Philip Sidney, Edmund Spenser, Roger Ascham, Richard Hooker, Christopher Marlowe, and William Shakespeare.

The idea came to me while at work because I was thinking of what am I going to do in order to expand my horizons and, I later recall that other books that I have read did open the way for me to go back in that time period to see what life was like; in addition, books gave me something to talk about as well as get information from other people on what books would be helpful as well as what books would not be helpful which was a subject of their opinion.  In addition I figured after I conquer the Romance and Renewal era that Elizabethan literature had to offer at that time period then I could go to the lines of Revenge and Ravishment which is Jacobean literature; this also allows me to read the works of John Webster, Ben Jonson, Francis Beaumont, John Fletcher, Francis Bacon, Robert Burton, John Donne, and of course William Shakespeare.

Since I've mentioned that I wanted to take up a golf caddie job at some of the local golf course, it would be in my best interest to be able to talk to some individuals that are more intelligent than the ones I have been dealing with on the normal basis; basically regular customers whom do not talk with some sense.  In addition my life as a independent woman will take off quicker because there are no men in my life to make me feel less about myself for, I remember on Steve Harvey that he had this Clinical Psychologist whom talked about how young women in college do these things with these men to pay off their college or pay for things that they want.  Looking at that made me realize that I was happy in the situation that I am in now and, that I have maintained my virginity to this point in order to find a man that would be willing to marry me but, it also makes more sense to work hard for the things that I want rather having things handed to me; in the past I would be jealous because many of my peers would boast about what they got but, in turn it was handed to them.

Now looking at the outcome of it having two jobs or three (in some cases) would help me to understanding how much time I put in to have nice things, be able to pay off my loan debt, and not have to file for bankruptcy.  I hope that whatever summer job that I do get as well as whatever seasonal job that I get; my morals will maintain to the highest extent possible because I am not perfect so, there is no need to try to be what I am not. In addition when I do read the fine works of the authors listed above and, surround myself in art works or many artists that present them at the art gallery; I can state that my value is worth more than me acting like a escort or a call girl like it seem some of my fellow female peers are doing.

I am going to sow seeds of good works and, see what happens for the time being; if I get a summer job then that's fine and, if its one of those golf caddie jobs then that's great.  I am going to do my best no matter what summer job I get and, whatever season job that I get because doing your best and keeping an interest never hurts.

Dinner Ideas for the upcoming days of Tuesday and Wednesday

Today I decided that I was going to cook for myself because cooking is a must in these days for, the dollar menu is really not all that healthy and, creating or adding a salad on the menu is a good start.   I found a Broccoli salad recipe to start off with as well as many others so, its going to be something new for me to try since my new years resolution was to eat healthier so, the start of this upcoming week is to make two dinners that are healthy and, can be done with fresh fruit and vegetables; I plan on making a Shrimp & Chicken Parmigiana like one would get in the Italian restaurants so, I am going to try to make my own version of it as well as buy some penne pasta so, that I could make something that will make me feel a sense of accomplishment so, that is going to be a start as well as keeping all the fixings health as well such as making my own garlic bread to go with my dinner as well as the dessert.

The next dinner  I will try to make is a meatloaf because I plan on buying some ground Sirloin (extra Lean) to make a meatloaf and, I am going to use a family recipe that's been handed down yet, I am going to add some ranch into the mix so, that I can see what the outcome of the meatloaf will be instead of using BBQ sauce as normal.  I am going to do a ranch salad which does not have much room to expand for creation so, that another dinner that I am planning but, I might have to do something different with the sides such as making Yukon Gold Whipped Potatoes and, cranberry sauce with port wine.  I might have to add some dinner rolls or yeast rolls into the mix because I do plan on having some carbs though I could use some vegetables so, I might also add some mixed greens in there to be on the safe side.

The cranberry sauce is going to be my first recipe that has to do with a lot of trial and error so, I hope with the budget that I have will help me make a successful first time cranberry sauce dish; all I know is that the cranberry sauce is going to have a mixture of ruby port wine, orange juice and orange zest in the mix to make it a delicious sauce for my dinner.  I hope that nothing unexpected pops up because I am looking forward to seeing what Tuesday and Wednesday dinners are going to turn out.  I am going to hold off on desserts for another time because I think I am going to buy just a plan Cannoli cake so, that its simple as well as the cake works best for both dinners.

New Dinner and Supper Ideas

Since I've started working and finally decided that its time to really find a second job since I am the only one in the house working yet, I have some ideas of how I want to cook as well as what I want to do in the line of food because there are so many things that I have yet to try but, there are so little funds due to the fact that everyone in the house is unemployed that I can be able to make one dinner or one supper that does not break the bank.   I find it more needed to have a second job so, the extra money can help me more so than my family because at this moment in time I need to buy some food that I can eat for, my brother whom refuses to find work because he feels that some jobs are beneath him eats everything in the house but, he wants to be the first one to complain that there is nothing to eat as well as there is nothing to help sustain the family.

I remember Friday night that I ranged up a couple whom had bought $346.00 in groceries and, I thought to myself how nice it would be in order to do that and, not have to worry about depending on someone else to buy food for once in my life or my funds being drained because I am the only one that is working.  If I was to plan my meals correctly and have a proper dinner then I too could be able to some way spend that much on food yet, there are other people in the house that will eat anything that I make so, tonight I've decided when I made a pot of shells with marinara sauce my mother and brother ate the majority of it then complained about how it taste.  There were other food in the fridge that they had sitting there yet, they want to eat something that I made as well as took a long time to cook yet, they want me to spend my hard earn money on food that is too expensive?

I decided soon as I get a car that the money management will be better because then I can go on the other side of town as well as go to work to make sure that I can spend a certain amount without others helping me.  I can choose meats that are cheap but, at a better quality so, since that is going to be my goal in the up coming weeks I need to carefully plan on how to budget my money and know how much cab fare is going to be in order to make sure that my food bill is kept at a minimum.

So my future dinners and suppers will not be too much trouble, the individuals that I live with will have to accept what I make and just shut up and eat.

The subject of Marriage

The subject of marriage comes to mind from time to time and, giving the decision if I was to get married in the coming years how would my financial situation would be for, I don't want to be struggling to much yet, I would like to be with someone whom is mature and stable in a job or career such as myself.  In the company that I am currently working for, I know that there are room for growth so, giving the chance to see what opportunities that are given to me I can state that if I was to get Office Assistant or Store Accountant than that would be fine because I could have a salary that was consistent with some of my monthly bills.   In addition I could add on to my resume when seeking a larger paycheck on what skills I can bring to the workplace that I am currently in or, I can use this experience to work at other places that may need a Store Accountant or an Office Assistant depending on the situation at hand.

One reason marriage has been on my mind is that everyone think its a piece a paper, its more than just a piece of paper because if my partner was to get sick or something would happen I have no say whatsoever.  If the person died I get no type of benefits from that loss or anything because it would go to their family; its was just in the last year that you would get some benefit but, not a whole lot.  I don't see myself entering the so called "Common-law" relationship because its the same as an open marriage and, I do not agree with that decision either for, it allows diseases into the pictures so, that's a big no also.

Being the fact that I am not looking and, all I am getting is a bunch of losers there is no need to rush because I have plenty of time to decide.  I am not worried about starting a family or growing old with somebody because you have women in their 60s, 70s, and 80s getting married for the first time which I think is rather sweet but, there is no need to rush.

My main concerns are the following: Will we be able to have thing prepare for the expected things? Can we have a backup on the expected things that life throws curveballs at us?  Managing money properly even when there are times that are going to be tough for the first year or two. Managing conflicts in a marriage and Surviving the first year of marriage.

Well I have been searching and looking for some answers that will work to find out how I should make myself a better person when it comes to being a potential wife.

That is going to be save for another time because that's something I don't wish to share with right now.

The most part is trying to understand why these men think I am  going to break down and say yes to a common law relationship or an open marriage?

I remember what that Psychologist said on Steve Harvey that women should have more value for themselves and, I agree that I should be one of those that have value because if I don't then who else would value me.   I am going to continue to say no and let them see how long it takes for them to finally realize that no means no.  There are other women out there that are slutty and have no value for themselves so, I wish that they go take them instead of wasting my time, energy and effort.  Oh well that's men for you the less intelligent gender.

The subject of marriage is one that they don't like so, I can hope to sure that someday there will be one rose that is smart enough to come around.

This world of ours

Its interesting when looking around the web because you learn things about people that you never thought you would find out about them but, there are some things that make you  want to question what type of lifestyle that a person lives behind close doors.  In addition it makes me truly wonder what type of people I am force to share this world with and, how their lifestyle can affect my ways of thinking or my judgment towards them; I know that I have no right to judge but, there are some things that people are into that are very extreme to the point that makes me feel uncomfortable with them so, in other words life has some surprises that may make one think that they are saner than others.  

I remember talking to a guy from Arendal, Norway that was into some pretty gruesome things and, I see how extreme those things are really are when he is following a blog that praises a Serial Killer so, it goes to show me that he is not the type of person that I would like to associate with because its goes against what I believe in as well as the moral that I was raised on.    There have been times that I would like to talk to him but, there is that part of me that tells me let him go because he is not the type of guy that you should be dealing with at this moment in time; I also think that my judgment as well as perception on people is really off at times because it makes me wonder what they are thinking about and what they are saying about me when I am not around.  

There have been times that I wonder what people think when they are looking at me for, the simple reason I do act like other girls nor dress like other girls because I would like to be my own person.  Since I started working on the normal basis and starting trying new things there has been a few backlashes that I don't want anyone to know too much about but, there have been some occurrences that make me wonder will there be a day that I can go with one day not having to face this situation time and time again.   One of those occurrences is that fact that I wear perfume and, being the fact that I live in a southern state that most people don't wear perfume makes me realize that I stand out more than I expected because I always get the question " Are you wearing Perfume and if so what type or what is it called?"  A never ending question that I get at work because so many customers smell it on me and, my perfume of choice for work is basically Inner Grace by Philosophy and, I do love the smell of the fragrance but, it has been attracting negative attention lately and, I wish that I had a perfume that did not attract this much attention.  

Another thing that I have a problem with is the question that I get by the way I dress, well I was taught by four generations of women how to dress so, it makes sense that my taste in clothing do not match those around me because my mother stated "dress nicer than you should"; well that is something that I do take to heart but, when it comes to dealing with people of a different culture and set of living its hard to explain to them why I dress the way I do.  I don't mine dressing the way I do its just that the questions that bother me for many ask me "why do you dress like that", "Where are you going dress like that", "who are you trying to impress" or, "Are you trying to be cute".  Yeah stupid questions indeed but, they never cease to amaze me when it comes to dealing with annoying people time and time again; there are some occasions that if I had less annoying people bothering me and more intelligent ones to come my way then life would be much better. 

Wishful thinking on my part because with a perfume collection that can keep a store recession proof for the next thirty or forty years makes it very hard to find one fragrance that would not attract people to me and, a collection of clothes that were not so nice that would not allow others to ask the range of stupid questions that many of them ask.  

I use to visit sometimes my mother's place of Temp employment and, even those in a business setting did not dress like she did; when I was a little girl in New York people in the office she use to work in dressed like she did or even better but, since leaving the state of New York and going to the state of North Carolina the change was there and I could not deal with those who could not understand my background for the longest so, I only associated myself with those whom were from state like New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island.  There were times that I even went far to limit the amount of information that I shared with those from states like North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia because they did not understand what goes on in state like New York, Connecticut or Rhode Island but, all they could say was "sounds nice wish I could visit",  as time progressed I learned that I can avoid those and find meaningful conversation with those who could understand me as well as know what I was talking about.  

In the last eight years I have found some places that I can feel like I was in New York once again but, there is a limited pool of people that I can share those interest with because basically I am dealing with those whom don't know much about the arts or music.  Like the Russian Ballet that comes to town every few months which makes me so happy because this was something that I enjoyed while in New York; then when I want to share it with someone there is no one to really share it with because no one understand ballet.  Blogging has seem to be my best solution when it comes to sharing my thoughts and beliefs with someone whom ever decides to read it for, I know that there is someone out there that is willing to see what I have to say.  

In the terms of reading I find that when I was in 10th grade English a lot of my classmates did not read and, it made doing group activities boring because they did not know what the book was about so, it did not surprise me how their vocabulary was lacking.  I felt for the longest that I was surrounded by a bunch of loser because they were not interested in their school work so, I later learned that keeping to myself would be the best option and the least stressful; however, there are those in the south that don't understand boundaries as well as those whom prefer to be alone because there is not a soul around they can have a connection with at all times.  Thus spending most of my time in places that gives me some freedom from the daily nonsense of people such as fine dining, libraries, museums, art galleries and theater has helped me regain myself over the years that I have been lost.  

Since 2009 a free magazine had been launch which was called "Guilford Women" and, me picking up that magazine was the best decision that I made because it gave me a list of things to do as well as places to see in the state which included the surrounding area.  If there was no Guilford Women my life would really have no meaning when it came to living in North Carolina because this is the most boring state and, the people are just (insert your choice words here) for one to bear.  I wished that my mother had move out west or further south like Florida were there was some action at least but, North Carolina has proven to be a waste of state when it comes to communication, interaction and many other things that I could think of but, not going to waste typing away about.  

In the last two monthly articles I read there are more interesting places being published and, since I am working there is a better chance for me to have some sense of adventure but, not a whole lot because there is very little to do since its the holidays and the store are crowded.   When the holidays end I hope to post pictures of my adventures to share with the world because I am trapped in a sea of dullness; I am beginning to think there is no way that I can have a mutual relationship with anyone at the time being because there are no persons of interest but, there have been times that I tried only to fail.  Maybe the summer will be better when I go for the search of seasonal summer employment and, maybe the people that I meet then will make a better impression than the ones that I have came in contact with because right now I find myself saying no more than ever before; there is a new year right around the corner and we are only a few days in the month so, maybe the new year I can find more things to do and, find some individuals whom understand me better than those whom claimed they tried or are trying.  

Today I finally decided it was time to get a Second Job

After playing Spent I learned a lot from that game but, I know that there were ways around what that game simulated because I've been in that situation before; I have learned what to do to save money and spend less on food such as buying pasta and ramen noodles to fill me up.  Since there is a three part series entitled :101 ways of cooking Ramen Noodles" I do believe that is a great investment other than Larry the Cable Guy Dinners because that has too much sodium for my liking.  In addition the game taught me how to better manage my money for future spending and, what was funny is that I received my retirement information in the mail today; my mother stated that I won't be able to retire way things are going on right now.  True I will never be able to retire no matter how much I try because the government is in debt as well as the rest of the world so, retirement is the last thing on my mind so, I will die before I am even able to retire.

I decided to put down $100 as a deposit for a Certified Nursing Assistant Class then wait for my next paycheck to make the full payment of $150 which brings out the total amount to $250 and, then wait for my next paycheck for the $101 to take the Board Certification exam in order to obtain employment with a facility as a full time Certified Nursing Assistant.   Now the starting rate I know for my area is between $9 to $11 an hour so, 40 hours a week may help out the financial situation a lot because I can better support my family as well as keep my head above water during these trouble times so, the class may help out a lot plus I get a free lunch that is included in the bill so, we'll see how this turns out for me.

Second I have made the decision that I am not going to be dependent on someone else to get me to work because I had a rude wake up call since my mother allowed my brother to take the car and, I was on call for work today but, luckily I did not have to go in.  That would have been a major problem but, to get back at her for doing that I am going to make it seem that its a big deal so, I am going to carefully plan out the process because she thinks she's helping by doing things like that. She is but, that was truly uncall for so, it does serve her right somewhat.

Third I decided that I was going to get a second hand car so, with the money that I get with whatever Certified Nursing Assistant job that I get, I am going to save at least a month and a half's pay to buy me a car so, that I can get back and forth to work on time and, then save another month and a half's pay to buy a truck so, that my mother will have something to drive because she has been talking for a long time that she wanted a truck so, why not be nice for mom and give her what she wants.

However I might get me a truck as well just to piss my brother off because he believes that he is entitled to many things just because he is the man of the house yet, he refuses to go out here and find work with reasonable hours that he can do so, getting a truck for me as well as my mom will make him see that he needs to get off his butt.  I am trying to figure out what kind of truck is nice enough to make him want to go out and find a job so, that he can start making money to have nice things such as mom and myself.   I guess if my mother had a Jeep Cherokee and I had a Hyundai Sante Fe then that would make him go out and find a job instead of staying home and playing around.

If I don't get the Sante Fe then my next choice would be a Kia Sportage because those are nice cars to have as well but, I don't think that I would be sharing my truck with my mother too much because it would be in my name and, I would be the one taking care of it at all times so, that is another reason why I've decided to go ahead and get a second job.  In addition this could help me to see what she had to go through during these years of working a Temp Job and, trying to make ends meet since she lost her job because of poor association.  

I hope that this class works out for me and, that I can go ahead and get my certification before the new year so, I can show  off my new truck or car whatever sale comes first.